They would never let 3D Yoshi on a can of Shasta When I think about it, there are three things I hate in this world. One is getting shot in the lung, another is rolling down a hill so fast that I eventually roll into traffic. The thing I hate most of all though, is 3D Yoshi.

Don't get me wrong. I don't dislike him just because he's in a few 3D games. In fact, I won't play anything over a month old and even then only if GameFaqs reviewer 420xSePhIrOtHx69 calls it "SHAGADELIC" in his review, which means I haven't played a game since The Bouncer came out and I very well may never play a video game again. The thing is, that while the 2D character design for Yoshi was adorable, loveable, and all around huggable, they screwed it up by making 3D Yoshi look like an ugly version of an uglier version of ET.

Not only that, but ever since the change, Yoshi's been in a slump. At the height of 2D Yoshi's career, Yoshi's Island came out and everyone loved it so much that cartridges all over the country exploded, so the only person currently owning a copy is coal hearted Doc Smiggly from down the street. Then Yoshi Story came out with the totally gross 3D Yoshi and nobody liked it. Why? Because of sick injustice to a great videogame character.

What the hell? WHAT THE HELL!?Even in decent games like Mario Tennis, 3D Yoshi ruins it all. I was enjoying a match until I saw him. After that I took it right back to K-Mart and picked up some cheap Zubaz which I am wearing right now. A good trade.

The way I see it, the world of Yoshi is like The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. 2D Yoshi is Will and 3D Yoshi is Carlton. Except 3D Yoshi is so square, he makes Carlton look like a wavy triangle. Forget it, this comparison doesn't even work. The geometry's all screwed up.

I last saw 2D Yoshi on the box for Super Mario Advance 2. I asked him what was up. He said not much but he hopes 3D Yoshi is hunched over a bowl of rust pudding right now and abhoring every bite. I agreed and asked him if he was looking forward to the Super Bowl. He said since when do you like football? I replied that I thought the Super Bowl was a nationwide sale on bowls, and didn't even know what football was. We went back to my house and listened to Billy Squire.

In closing, I recommend buying an Elephant Gun and holding it close until the day 3D Yoshi has breathed his last.

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