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We return once again with another round of celebrity secrets to leave your mouth agape! Do you want to know what kind of cellphone Paris Hilton is carrying these days? Then get the hell out of here.
No one knows better than we do that Denzel Washington is a man of many talents, but during our recent interview, he managed to shock even us! "Check this out!" Washington demanded as he sat down on our posh leather sofa. He then clenched his empty fist hard, causing the whole room around him to shake. Once the tremors died down, Denzel grinned and calmly opened his palm to reveal a single, perfectly formed marshmallow. Before anyone could ask what happened, the marshmallow took his place on the sofa and he was nowhere to be found! Although he never got a chance to reveal his big secret, I can think of two reasonable explainations: SCIENT and OLOGY.
Could it be that this Kill Bill beauty has gained an appreciation for bladed weapons in real life too? All signs point to yes. "I was watching PAX TV's 'Knife Show' when Todd brought onstage a 'Tactical Mission' set that was a real beaut," Thurman stated in a private interview. "Thirty knives for thirty dollars? You don't have to be a movie star to know what a deal that is." Since then Uma has aquired a different knife to use for every day of the year. Her plans for all this cutlery? "Three dead bicyclists arranged in a triangle. It's been my dream since the womb."
The nation's top doctors agree: His skin is pretty much 100% leather at this point. After suffering serious first degree burns during the filming of "City Slickers III: Blaze Chamber" last year, he simply went to the nearest Sears, grabbed a bomber jacket off the rack, and absorbed it onto his body. Filming resumed not minutes later.
It's time to blow the lid completely off of Hollywood's biggest secret: Did you know that each year's Oscar winners are actually put to paper a decade in advance, and then filmmakers are forced to produce movies based on what's listed? Well, it's true, and I know 2007's big winner... FILM TITLE: Elvira's Haunted Mounds PLOT OUTLINE: Elvira's boobs are haunted. AWARDS TO BE WON:
Best Picture With seven Oscar wins, "Elvira's Haunted Mounds" will surely be her greatest accomplishment since she staged the photograph below.
Sources close to Scarlett say that she angrily ripped out two handfuls of George Clooney's chest hair at an exclusive Hollywood party last week. Johansson's spokesperson refuses to give a straight answer, but word is she was extremely frustrated by the FBI's recent crackdown on her beekeeping facilites and was eager to take it out on someone. Clooney subsequently ate an entire 7 foot ice sculpture in an attempt to show Scarlett how to "keep cool."
Tim Robbins has slammed recent reports that his favorite culinary treat is carrot cake. "There are situations where push comes to shove, and one has to come forward with the truth," he said during a press conference held to debunk the rumor earlier this week. "To say carrot cake falls short is being far, far too kind." He continued to say, "I enjoy banana bread, that's pretty good. A well made cheesecake is always nice, although NOT that bourgeois slop they sell at Burger King. But whoever said that I enjoy carrot cake was way off the mark." An anonymous owner of a famous bakery had this to say: "To hear a man of Mr. Robbins's stature speak out against carrot cake left me crestfallen, to say the least. I consider the cakes we make at our bakery something of a personal masterpiece, the carrot cake being the crown jewel of that set. Hopefully the customers will keep demanding it as they have been, but my confidence has been shaken, no doubt."
Good news for all you parrotheads out there! Jimmy Buffet recently made a deal that secures him ownership of the world's entire diamond supply. His reasoning? "What better way to die than to go through a giant sized meat grinder accompanied by every single diamond that ever existed? A good life needs a good death." Jimmy has also announced plans to record his final album within the meat grinder before it gets to "the boys," but after his legs have been shredded. Better toss a steel drum in there with him, guys! |
DENZEL WASHINGTON
UMA THURMAN
JACK PALANCE
CASSANDRA PETERSON (ELVIRA)
SCARLETT JOHANSSON
TIM ROBBINS
JIMMY BUFFET