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(This piece was originally written for Michael Seward's Fiction Writing course at MCTC, as part of an assignment based on getting into the voice of a child. Just wanted to clarify that in case anyone on the academic side of things winds up here through Google and thinks I swiped it off some bugfuck website. Plagarism hunts do happen, you know.) The Adventures of Frankie By Frankie Frankie was a student in Ms. Olsen's 2nd grade, he is not old yet but what his parents and what his friends don't know is that he is very strong, stronger than the guy from Legend of Zelda even if the guy from Legend of Zelda has the red ring. Anyway, Frankie is so strong that sometimes people need his help and Frankie was the only person who can help them. Frankie helps so many people that sometimes he doesn't do well in class even though he tries really hard.
 One day Frankie was in class doing a spelling test and it was hard but then Clint Eastwood came to the window of Frankie's classroom and said "Frankie, America needs your help. Not even I am strong enough to do it instead so please help." Frankie says he has to do his spelling test because he can't fail again so Clint Eastwood says "Don't worry Frankie I am a great speller, I will do it for you." So Frankie leaves the class to save the world and all the other kids think he is so cool because he is friends with Clint Eastwood. Later Clint Eastwood shoots Frankie's teacher for being mean to Frankie.
 Frankie goes to the President who is a talking cat named Hank. "Frankie, the bad guys are trying to poison all the hamburgers in the world. Stop them and everyone in the world will be your best friend." Even though Frankie is really strong the mission sounds hard so Frankie asks "What if I fail?" and President Hank says "That would be just like you, Frankie. Why do you always fail all the time? Why are you so bad at everything?"
 Frankie acts strong so the President doesn't get mad again but when he leaves his office he starts to cry. Frankie cried until Clint Eastwood called him with mind powers to say "Don't cry Frankie, the President was mean to me too. Also I shot your teacher so be happy." Frankie was so happy to hear Clint Eastwood that he started flying to the bad guy's secret base. When he got to the bad guy's base he blew up the poison makers by punching them and then the bad guys leader came out. Frankie was surprised because their boss was actually his dad. Frankie's dad was really strong because he was drinking beers and he yells at Frankie and tries to hit him. But Frankie is even stronger and he punched his dad in the stomach and he explodes. All of Frankie's classmates watch this on television and cheer for him, now they will all want to be his friend. Because he is so strong.
 Later at the President's office Hank gives Frankie a medal but Frankie is still sad the President yelled at him. But then Clint Eastwood walks in and punches President Hank the talking cat until he is dead. "Anyone who is mean to Frankie is going to die too," says Clint Eastwood. Clint Eastwood then marries Frankie's mom and she starts being nice to Frankie because no one is around to hit her. Everyone who ignored Frankie calls him all the time now and he has someone to play with every day.
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