I felt that Streemers was the best game on A52. The dog clown was adorable, and captured my heart. Then me and my partner (Morgan Freeman) took him out to an undisclosed location, and a delivery van arrived at almost exactly 7:00 PM, where he dropped off a box. What was inside? Ice cream for us all! I was so happy. I shot him anyway. He died smiling.

Streemers is odd in that things that normally help you in a video game now hurt you. You see that money bag in the screenshot over there? It's deadly. Pick up 4 of those and you're a goner. I wonder if that was a glitch? I wouldn't be too suprised.

The game plays kind of like Bionic Commando. You can't jump and you use a grappling hook to advance to other platforms. The problem is, because of how poorly the damned thing's programmed, it doesn't always work like that and it may take 2 or 3 tries before it actually attaches, and sometimes you have to aim at odd places to get it to work. I would definitely like this game more if it were, like, programmed well, and had an FMV of the dog clown jumping from an exploding building. In fact, that latter would be just fine.


Upon starting up Non-Human, I was treated to some really bad music and an appalling color scheme. I absolutely wanted to shriek. Not to mention those faces are expressing a look that radiates "I'm melting both physically and emotionally." That's kinda how I felt when the maid spilt water all over my bear skin rug. Worst thing that ever happened to me.

Non-Human was the first game I played that showed off how bad the jumping was in most of the A52 platformers. You have to let go of the jump button when moving forward, otherwise you'll just stay in place. It still feels kinda rusty when you do it correctly though.

I couldn't tell what the fuck the main character was supposed to be. I'm sorry to swear there, but I'm so perplexed by this that I had to. He looked kind of like the Shredder though, so I figure that's who he is. TMNT was the big thing at the time, after all. Let's keep our fingers crossed I'm right!

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